WHAT would be the score that we might garner if there were ever a global scoring system on the sense, appreciation and practice of morality, civility, and manners among Bangladeshis? We know our position on the global corruption scale, which is nothing to be happy about.

On morality

WHAT are our value processing system and its adoption level — individually, at family level, and nationally? But wait, before we go any further, let me recapitulate what we all know: morality and its value system do not develop in individuals, in societies, or in nations de novo. The older generation laments that our value system is eroding. But from the way the present generation conducts itself, it does not appear that they are bothered. They have some attitudinal problems, if seen through the lenses of the departing generation.

We have agreed in the past, and we agree now, that moral valuation starts in the family before children start schooling. Derailment from this standard may be unusual and uncommon. Even if there is slippage, we believe that it is not eye-popping. While there are certain universal indicators of morality, some are akin to local norms and customs. Grabbing other people’s property; taking bribes and begging (bribe is begging by the powerful); committing rape; killing, hurting, injuring, insulting or slandering people physically, psychologically or financially; calling a spade a spade only when it suits an ulterior motive; deception and fraud; lying and cheating; hiding or distorting facts; sleaze and greed; using muscle to decimate adversaries and opponents; and having an unkind attitude towards people in need and who seek mercy are some universal indicators of morality. Morality exhorts us to support or fight for what is right, even to the point of making some sacrifice for it. A new craze among the youth is celebrity adulation. In many cases, this creates a filthy role model that the young generation madly, blindly and thoughtlessly pursues.

Moral valuation may be strengthened through a supportive education system. But in the presence of a family norm that is antithetical, sceptics might raise their eyebrows at how far the education system itself might register a moral value system. Families with school-going kids experience that children argue with their parents when they find family utterances and practices do not match what their teachers say. How deep this assertion would take root when the family members constantly behave and practise other things is something to be pondered. If society supports the standard of morality that the educational system also teaches, then it gets put into practice with ease. But morality in society would only be engendered if either the society is blessed with some enlightened beacon holders who will inspire the society through their teachings and exhortations or if the educational system also propagates the same valuation in conjunction.

Be that as it may, for intergenerational transmission of moral values and standards, it is imperative that the families adopt those norms and standards by educating themselves. If the families are imbued with the warranted norm, then we would not need any external role players. In the end, society and the nation will establish a sustained value system for the benefit of all. We must first of all believe that the way we are living and leading our lives currently is not something that will be useful to anyone of us in the long run. For a minimal level of appreciation in life, we must come closer to minimally acceptable moral standards.

On manners

OUR manners are influenced by our sense of morality. It emanates from the way we are educated in families, to some extent at educational institutions, and through societal norms. The family background, nevertheless, is the springboard of mannerism. Unfortunately, in our society, the bare minimum show of decency, e.g., saying ‘thanks’ or ‘sorry’, is almost abhorrently absent. By the way, have any of my respectable readers ever come across a chivalrous person asking a visibly lost person, ‘Hello, how may I help you? or ‘Hello there, what can I do for you? or ‘Sir, let me know if I may be of any help’.

I have come across people venturing through the middle of the road with their young kids. When suggested cordially to teach his young son how and where to walk or cross roads (pedestrian way, overhead bridge, or zebra crossing), the answer comes sharp and fast: ‘That is none of your business.’ Have any of my esteemed readers ever tried to correct someone for the benefit of the others? And what was the experience? I guess it was not really soothing.

Every year, the elites of the city of Honolulu, Hawaii, USA, used to arrange a welcome party in honour of the new students of the University of Hawaii. For some unknown reasons, I was picked up as the master of ceremonies in 1983. While announcing the name of a friend of mine to come to the dais, I announced his last name, which, as you know, is every westerner’s family name. He was quite upset with me since I insulted his forefathers by not using the title Mr before his family name. I learned my lesson. Unfortunately, it is not very uncommon to find today, even among the educated in Bangladesh, people committing the same mistake.

Politeness is one virtue that we consider a weakness. I’m not sure why this humble but respectable demeanour is so uncommon in our social interactions! One strategic stand that we adopt almost universally and, of course, imprudently is what I call a ‘No Fault Strategy’. It is always the opponent or the other guy who is at fault.

It seems that the whole nation is in rage and is eagerly looking to exact some revenge on someone else. Feudal attitudes are rampant. It will not be uncommon to see that even in posh areas of the capital city, Dhaka, people occupy pedestrian paths to use them as stables for their animals. It is not uncommon to see that the pedestrian paths are used as stores, garages, parking lots, and business hubs. If you protest and argue, then you are a misfit.

And ah, yes, don’t we notice people talking on their cell phones with full force of their lungs, standing in or walking through public places, as if the listener is sitting in the North Pole? What about public spitting, putting a big, fat finger deep into the nostril to scoop out dirt in public, and blowing the nose with all the force that one can master in a crowd? And of course, peeing at the street corners like the dog; no patience to stand in queues and jostling to go to the front, as if no queue exists at all; playing blind and pushing people out of the way to make one’s own way even in crowded places; crossing roads in an undisciplined, thoughtless and unsafe manner; boastful, rude and argumentative behaviour lacking sobriety; disrespectful power drunk disposition; trolling and body shaming; noisy munching, loud talking when eating; rubbishing streets, parks and water bodies; and always hogging and writhing to grab attention; garner own selfish ends, however small these are, at a big cost of others; riding motorbikes on the walkways and arguing to defend the obnoxious and illegal practice when protested, without considering the discomfort caused to the pedestrians; occupying walkways just for gossiping, forcing others to walk down on the streets, oblivious to the right of the pedestrians and then using abusive and filthy language when brain fails and reaches its limits quite fast; and irrational and illegal stoppage of public transports in the middle of the road or in freeways or flyovers with impunity. These are barbaric and uncivil practices, if we would only know.

Communication is the mirror image of manners. It testifies to a person’s personality and finesse. ‘Think before you ink’ was the pithy headline of a quiz exercise that used to appear every week in ‘the Morning News’ of erstwhile Pakistan. And here we are, very fast indeed, opening our loud mouths before even realising whether we should or should not open up. It was probably Christine Hassler who said ‘How you say it is more important than what you say’. But we want to play it smart, and hence we say whatever comes to our tongue fast — too fast — before it occurs in our mind, without even visualising what the outcome of what we say will be. We are quite fast at commenting, advising, personifying, trolling or suggesting things that are not our cup of tea and about which we do not possess even an iota of knowledge. This nature makes us laughing stocks among those who know.

We hurt and insult people unintentionally just because we do not fathom the meaning of our utterances. Choosing words and placing them in a sentence or phrase may change the meaning of an expression. Even our diplomats hardly possess the skill of reading between the lines and responding cunningly. One might think that expression and vocabulary are not part of mannerism, but in fact they are, because a well-groomed person can express indignation in a subtle and dignified way. In fact, with an appropriate phrase and tone (how you say it), one may sound quite frightening while still sounding quite composed.

With our current disposition, even when we reach the status of a middle-income country, we will hardly be Singapore or Canada. It is people who lift the image of a country. It will be a wishful and wistful tall order, and it will remain a dream unless people change. On the other hand, with our new-found riches, we are turning into more rowdy and hapless devilish ilk.

Abu Muhammad Zakir Hussain is a former director, Primary Health Care and Disease Control, former director of IEDCR, DGHS, former regional adviser of SEARO, WHO and former staff consultant, Asian Development Bank, Bangladesh.